A toolkit for managing tantrums? Yes, please! When tantrums occur, they can be intense and stressful for the child and those around them. Although it is common for tantrums to occur during early childhood, some tantrums are more intense or more frequent and require intervention. We want to help our children acquire skills to replace tantrum behaviors and reduce stress.
When a child engages in a tantrum, they are communicating something. Sometimes they are communicating that they are tired, hungry, thirsty, uncomfortable or overwhelmed and we can address those needs when we know what they are. When we understand the communication behind the behavior, it is much easier to resolve and move on with our day. Sometimes tantrums happen to communicate something else. It may be hard to tell at times so creating a tantrum log can be a valuable tool. Keep a notepad handy or use a recording app on your phone to create a record over time. Note what happened right before the tantrum occurred, characteristics of the tantrum and how long and/or intense it was as well as what happened immediately following tantrum behavior.
Why is the tantrum happening? What is your child saying when they tantrum? Is it one of the following?
I want something
I want to get away from something
I want your attention
I like the way this feels
Under what circumstances are tantrums likely to occur? Notice what happens right before a tantrum. Where are you? Who is present? Was the child asked to do something? Was something taken away? Is the child receiving attention or is your attention on something or someone else?
What happens immediately following a tantrum? Does your child gain access to something? Are they able to get out of doing something they have been asked to do? Do they get attention? Does the behavior feel good?
Noting these things will help you address the function or purpose the tantrum serves in helping your child get what they want.
You may want to collect information for a few days or a few weeks. Track your information keeping 3 stages in mind.
What happened before the tantrum?
The tantrum itself – what was involved (i.e., crying, falling to the ground, aggression), intensity and how long it lasted?
What happened immediately after?
Write down what you notice. Do you see a pattern? Do tantrums occur under similar circumstances? How would your child get what they want in a more appropriate way?
Make a list of the skills that would be helpful for your child to have that would be good replacement behaviors. The new skills or behaviors need to serve the same function or purpose as the tantrum. What would be more efficient and effective for your child to do instead? Is there a word or phrase that would replace the tantrum behavior? Would it help if your child learned to ask for your attention or If they learned to wait for a little while before getting your attention?
What happens immediately after the tantrum? You may be reinforcing tantrum behavior without realizing it. When the behavior is followed by something the child wants, they are more likely to tantrum again in the future because it was effective.
Now that you have your tantrum tracking log and your list of potential replacement behaviors, you can begin to teach skills that will be more efficient and effective. Practice replacement skills and be sure to practice and reinforce the new skills as much as possible so that your child is more likely to use the new skills when they are faced with scenarios that have led to tantrum behavior in the past.
Some helpful tools to use prior to activities or times when tantrum behavior is likely to occur include:
Visual schedules so the child knows what to expect next.
Priming – or preparing your child for what is going to happen next and offering examples of what they can do or say instead of engaging in tantrum behavior.
Choice – offering choices between two items or activities so the child is given some control over what is happening.
A token economy – a system for teaching a child to engage in a behavior to earn a secondary reward.
If you are not able to avoid tantrum behavior with the strategies listed above, some helpful tools to manage tantrum behavior when it is happening include:
Stay calm, keep your voice neutral and keep talking to a minimum
Take a deep breath and consider the information you have been collecting. What is your child trying to say in this situation?
Keep yourself and your child safe by blocking aggression and or self-injury as needed.
When the tantrum is waning, offer a simple prompt or reminder of what you would like your child to do instead.
What happens after the tantrum? It depends on the reason or function of the tantrum. Depending on the reason, you may need to prompt a word or phrase. If the function is attention, you may want to wait for your child to request your attention appropriately before giving attention. Be mindful of reinforcement for the behavior and make sure the appropriate behavior is being reinforced and not the tantrum behavior.
Your clinical team can help you determine the best way to address the individual needs of your child and offer support as you are learning to manage tantrum behavior and teach appropriate replacement behaviors. Your team will choose a combination of strategies specific to your needs.
Kelley Serena, Behavior Supervisor, Ventura
Tuesday, December 29, 2020